Firstly, I’ll put my biases out there. I’m a Christian. I’m abstaining until marriage. I am & am not a virgin at the same time.
This is not to say that all men are cheaters. This is not to say that only men cheat. Form it to your liking, but the principle stands.
If I were to ask this question to a crowded room: “How many of you think cheating on your [insert title of significant other] is wrong?” I bet almost all hands in the room would be raised. If I then proceeded to ask, “How many think having sex before marriage is wrong?” I’d see a lot fewer hands. Why?
You might be thinking, It’s ok to just see where it goes, or to experiment, or I don’t think this is the one, or I know this isn’t the one, or this is just for now…
Having sex before marriage is cheating on your future spouse.
When I say I am & am not a virgin at the same time, I mean my physical body is not a virgin. I have slept with men who did not commit their lives to me. I have also experienced their spirit remaining with me years after I even quit stalking their social media. The Bible says that when a man and woman join together, the two become one flesh. You’ve heard of sexually transmitted infections, but best believe there are sexually transmitted spirits, too. Moving into a real relationship or a marriage, those seeds planted that you thought would be quick flings can sprout into hauntings of past lovers with roots in lack of self-love nor self-awareness. It has taken me counseling, continuous confession, accountability friends, and straight rebuking to flee from those unhealthy soul ties.
You see, in the spirit – time, space, and matter don’t matter. Best to guard your heart because all you do flows from it.
You test drive cars, not people.
Admittedly, I stole this bar from Pastor Al Toledo. But, truth! I’ve heard that some folks are troubled by the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex because, what if you’re not compatible? Well if he will have sex with you before being married to you, then he will have sex with a woman outside of your marriage as well. They either honor the sanctity of the marriage bed or they do not. Best to know this up front. A penis and a vagina are compatible. They were designed that way, so be anxious about nothing.
But… I want to know what I’m doing on my wedding night… When every relationship is different, then how will test driving a Toyota prepare you for driving a Tesla?
The right one will not need a physical connection before a spiritual connection.
When I say I am a virgin, I mean that when I was baptized by water, my old self died and all my sins without discrimination were washed away. I mean I was made brand new. Yes, what happens in the spirit can manifest into the physical to make me a virgin again. In the same way, a spiritual connection between two people must be established before it can manifest in the physical. Stay with me.
I used to think that if someone liked me, they would sleep with me. Now I know that if someone loves me, they will marry me. Before they have me, they honor me. It is a difficult concept to grasp with our societal upbringing. But while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.