Having lost all sensitivity, society has given itself over to sensuality. In this article, I would like to point out just a few examples of the destruction caused by modern society’s disconnect between making love and real love. Sex is not, nor can it ever possibly be, “just physical.”
Straight up. Have you ever heard the saying that, “When you sleep with someone, you’re sleeping with everyone they’ve ever slept with?” I, personally, have been diagnosed with chlamydia 2 or 3 times. And even when I thought I was doing the right thing by calling every single person that I’d come in contact with and possibly contracted the disease from or passed it along to, there was still that one dude who denied it and refused to get tested himself. He refused to believe that it could happen to him. That means that that slimy mf is still out there today infecting others. In fact, a 2013 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that a mere 11.5% of sexually active young adults age 15-25 have ever been tested for sexually transmitted infections (or diseases if you’re old school like me), even though they account for half of all STI’s. There is danger in sex if it is thought of as purely physical. If performed by people with no deep commitment or foundation of care for one another, sex can hurt infinitely more than satisfy. When I found out that I tested positive, the doctor told me that prolonged infection could lead to infertility later in life. If that had happened to me, if my own selfish irresponsibility and reckless behavior kept me from accomplishing one of my biggest goals of experiencing one of life’s most beautiful miracles, I would have been devastatingly crushed. Even though I was lucky enough to get the medicine, through my parents’ insurance mind you, to treat that disease every time and I’m physically healthy now, had I been left infertile, I would today be living in distress and depression. The effects of sex last longer than a one-night stand. This is a for-life thing.
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that over half of divorce cases today involve one party having an obsession with pornography on the internet.1 The overly easy accessibility to sex is ironically ruining sexual relations. Erectile dysfunction, a disability once known to primarily affect men over 50, is now a threat to males of all ages. In fact, so many cases of ED linked to porn-use or general compulsive sex are being reported both in clinics and in online forums that it now has its own medical term: P.I.E.D. (Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction). Look it up. And when men step away from pornographic stimuli, their neurochemical and physical settings are actually able to rejuvenate within months. Sex now exists in many public forms: in music, dance clubs, billboard advertisements, magazines, commercials, family TV shows… the list goes on. Its prevalence in our everyday culture normalizes risky behavior for the sole reason of selling its products by manipulation of humanity’s deepest necessity: the need for connection.
You may know that dopamine is released during sex, a hormone that causes a happy feeling, but not many people outside the field of science are familiar with oxytocin. This is a widely-studied hormone that is most known for its work in mothers. Oxytocin is released during labor, when a child is birthed. It is also present in breastfeeding, which is why many mothers opt for this method if possible – to create a lasting bond between mother and child. Oxytocin is meant to bond us. Coincidentally, it is also released in orgasm. So if it bonds a mother to her baby – one of the strongest known loves in the world – then what happens between two people who experience this hormone when having sex? An experiment done by testing levels of oxytocin in different species of animals revealed that increased levels actually encourage monogamy. Those species that tended to be naturally monogamous had higher levels of oxytocin. Even more spectacular was that when given more oxytocin, the naturally promiscuous animals became more restrained and the monogamous ones became more active with their partner! Let’s stop this charade that sex is purely physical when clearly we all long for connection. We are built to enjoy sex, but within the realm of love, awareness, and responsibility.
Sex is deep. Pun intended. It is not, and will never be, just a physical act. Popular media profits off of selling sex at face value without uncovering the real, and sometimes dark, truths about it. The goal of this blog is to inform you of alternate ways to think about the natural processes of life, and offer a different mentality than the mainstream in an effort to live the most fruitful lives possible! I care about this topic because although I received the standard sex ed from school and church and doctors, etc., I wish my peers, or someone who I was able to really relate to, had cared about me enough to lay it down for me like this. So as a friend and young adult still in the learning process myself, I share my deepest personal testimonies with you with hope that you can still save your magic for love rather than spiteful hate for the ruined relationships we knew in the past, and for co-creation rather than destruction of self. Find someone you have real chemistry with to ensure that you have each other’s best intentions in mind. Wait to have sex until you’ve established a relationship of trust. Get tested together first because you care about each other’s health and well-being. I guess sexual health isn’t sexy enough for mainstream media, but you were created with love and to love.
1 Stuart, Ben. Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age. Passion Publishing, 2017. This article was inspired by this book – a recommended read.